[ And he isn't, at least. Where he's often running hours behind because he's a Time Lord who easily loses track of time, this is...important enough to get right. He's not involved in anything terribly pressing at the moment, he's just left Portam Hall a bit ago, and truthfully he wants very much to see Julia, as much as...seeing her in the Horizon will help. It's still not quite real, more of the same, but they're both at least themselves this time.
He's not lingering as much in what happened, at least not as it pertains to her behavior at all. He has loads of regrets about his own actions, things he'd done, times he'd gone too far and hurt people in one way or another. He also effectively abandoned Julia when she needed him most, didn't he? Those regrets have strength enough to turn this world on its axis over and over again for at least a century. When he finds her in the treehouse, she'll notice he's wearing the locket she gave him, still tucked close. ]
[ Julia does miss the overgrown tree villages she made and there are already changes to this one that she chose to keep. There's now a smaller version of the tree village to the side of the stairs up to her house, where created critters are running around in like birds and chipmunks, all hers but finding peace there like they used to. Hudson is down with them, chasing a squirrel in a playful way, and she flaps her wings at him as he passes in greeting.
Julia was in her room but she comes down when she senses him near, into the Brakebills common room that she made for the public part of the treehouse. She also wears his presents at all time, dressed in a more modern stylish way while in the Horizon. Including sensible boot heels which makes it a reasonable height difference when she crosses the room and pulls him into an immediate embrace. Her arms move around his middle to tug him close and she presses her head into the nook right under his chin.
She is feeling a whole lot of things right then. Too many things. It's so confusing. Her memories are a mess. But she knows this is what she needs right then. His arms have been a comfort in every era of them, real or fake, and she seeks the momentary solace. ]
I'm sorry I was such a bitch.
[ She knows he will argue with her and say she wasn't, blame himself, pretend anything else, but it took two to break them, and she knows she is the one who broke first. ]
[ The memories aren't soon forgotten, all the moments they shared together. Little details forever etched in his mind — there are those big, grand moments of traveling together, helping mortals, doing good things together, but then there are so very many smaller moments of a quiet life in between all the grand things. The way he slowed down and settled in for hours at a time just to be with her — so unlike the man he is right now, an existence it's hard to fathom. They would go off together, or separately, and life was never dull or slow. It was perfect. He just doesn't know how to reconcile all of it now, but at least for this moment, he doesn't have to. He only needs to hold her and he does, quite quickly. ]
Well. Is that the word we're using?
[ He mumbles softly into her hair as he presses his face close for a moment, resting one hand on the back of her head, the other around her waist. ]
What was I then? You'll have to come up with a good one, you know, equally matched, don't hold back either, I absolutely bungled it.
[ Julia's always been very serious about relationships. She dreams of the kind of experience they just had together. She said it herself, wanting to be that girl, and now she got to see him as that boy too, and they made it work. Until they didn't. But she doesn't want to focus on all the bad things, because there were so many of them, for her. She never crossed the line into villain territory, she's so relieved about that, although that's more due to the friends she made who kept her sane and on the right path.
She was right to be afraid of herself. That's the lesson she learned, but now she knows too. She laughs into his neck. ]
Okay, fine. You were kind of a dick too.
[ There, she'll give him partial blame. They are both the type of person to blame themselves over everyone else and she does know that about him, so she's not going to try and force him to see it her way. In truth, she's just so relieved that he's holding her at all, that something didn't break between them in the process of what went on. They were in the early stages of something precious and pure and she hasn't had great lucky recently, with that sort of joyful anticipation. For it to go wrong immediately afterward, that's more her luck.
She pulls back to look at his face but still stays close, her hands on his elbows. Her eyes in the Horizon are a vivid hazel like usual, because she sees herself that way, not as the red gaze that greets her in the morning in Solvunn now. ]
Do you still like me? Because it's okay if you don't. You don't need to pretend.
[ Dick — he's familiar with the word, of course. His mind, naturally, goes first to the most literal meaning. Years upon years spent amongst humans on Earth, he's heard it used, even though it's not part of his own vernacular. He huffs a soft laugh under his breath, even, for a moment. He's not about to deny it because he wasn't even close to being at his best. ]
Kind of — well, that's optimistic, actually, I'll take it.
[ He would easily assume full blame and he knows she understands that, but he knows it about her, too. She needed him and he wasn't there, and that won't sit very well with him at all for a long time to come. Though, it is a comfort knowing he didn't actually abandon her. Sort of. It's a possibility, one too close for comfort, and one he'll do absolutely everything to avoid. When she pulls back to look at him and that particular question lingers in the air between them, the Doctor is quick to frown in concern, and just as quick to reassure. ]
Of course I do! How could you ever, ever think otherwise? I like you, Julia, I like you very much, I have from the moment we met. [ It's such an easy question, so instinctive. There are few people he doesn't like, truth be told. That's been the theme of his long life — quickly and easily attaching to people, perhaps more than he should, but he's yet to learn better. But a few seconds pass and he clues in (miraculously) on what she's actually asking. It's not, does he like her in the way of liking so many, in the way of caring deeply for the friends he's made here and in all the worlds and years beyond this. It's — does he like her as he did when they were devoted to each other, when he was that boy for her and with her. ]
Oh, but you don't mean only like you, do you? Like you, like you, is that it?
[ His words soften and he reaches out now to cradle her cheek with his right hand, gently caressing her soft skin with his thumb. ]
If you're quite alright with it, Julia, I'd prefer not letting you go. That's how I like you. Does that answer your question?
[ Julia rolls her eyes when he reassures her that he likes her, because she knows his instinctive reply is not in the like-like way. Of course he likes her, they've been friends since the day they met, and they have always gelled well. It's why it was easy to open up to him, easy to trust him. She has always believed that love comes quicker when there's friendship behind it. Not that they're at love yet, although they were, definitely, deeply in love in that life. But there's an open door. Maybe. If they still both want to try for it. ]
Yes, like me, like me. It sounds so middle school when put like that.
[ She laughs though because it is true. And she's the one who worded it this way in the first place, but that is how it felt, when they were first stepping to this sort of position. Like she was a teenager with a crush again rather than a full grown woman who had been around the block. That's what it felt like to be with him, strangely young and full of hope, after so much darkness.
She relaxes when he touches her face because that is an answer in itself, and she turns her head to kiss his palm, leaning into the touch for a few seconds. It doesn't matter that she had plenty of it in that future, from him and later (embarrassingly) from others, because a lot of it was empty. Ways to feel better, ways to feel anything at all. The Doctor has always made her feel. ]
Yes. I mean, we'd only just kissed for the first time when this happened. It was all super new, and then it wasn't, and I don't know, things got so messed up. I wasn't sure if you wanted a second round of ... this.
[ She gestures at herself with the 'this.' The trouble that she brings with her, the drama. They were happy for a long time and she knows that, but she also knows part of what broke them down was the differences in them turning into things they couldn't overcome. It wasn't unreasonable to wonder if it was better not to try again. ]
That was a thing, quite a thing, an odd thing. Many odd things! We talked and we — [ He points his index finger between the two of them and then makes a kissing face with his lips. Like an idiot. ] And everything was good, well, near-ish. Good between us, I should say. And chaos around, but that was alright, we were helping, we were getting things sorted, and then — [ He gestures with both hands now, lacing his fingers together and then pulling them apart while puffing his cheeks out, attempting to mimic something blowing up. ]
Well, you don't need a play-by-play, I suppose, you were there. Very glad you were, well, not glad you were trapped there, but we were in it together, all of us, so we all know —
[ Even he is losing track of what point he was even trying to make here at all. He was trying to get to something reassuring, while fumbling it up and dragging them down the road of utter confusion. Stopping himself, the Doctor takes a breath, leaning in now to kiss her forehead softly, lingering there. ]
I don't give up on anything easily. Not people, not situations or circumstances. Certainly no one incredibly important to me. Plus, you really don't want to miss out on me planning a proper time out together, I'm quite good at it.
[ She makes a kissy face back at him. Julia can tell that he's feeling awkward and apparently has decided to make it more so, but to be fair, it's best they just rip off the band-aid and be okay with the awkwardness. If they keep dancing around each other not saying anything, it's not going to be helpful long-term. And she wants this to be long-term.
He's so expressive of a person and she's quiet in comparison, but that's what she likes about him. He has so much life and it's good to watch it still happening here. He's not all dead inside or dried up and exhausted. Losing himself to the darkness and loneliness. He has that energy back to him and Julia is so glad to see it. ]
I'm glad you're you again. I like when you're all. [ She mimics something blowing up too with a smile. ] When you're talking a mile a minute and express with your hands and you're just ... you. In the best possible way.
[ Julia isn't someone who needs to fill silence, she can be quiet for long periods of time. An extrovert at heart, but one who thinks a whole lot. She likes having people around her who are different, who fill in the chatter and make her react.
She reaches up to cup his face and pulls him down for a real kiss. Not one in a fantasy, although it's still in the Horizon, it's still not in person. She wonders what it'll be like to kiss him in person, if it will seem like a drastic difference because it's real. Julia kisses him, lingering in the softness and little butterfly in the stomach feeling it gives her, glad it's still there. She releases him since she's usually the one starting these things, but it was reassurance. ]
Sooooo are you going to tell me what to expect on our first date?
[ Making things awkward is something he tends to be good (perhaps too good) at. He's not good at this — giving her what she deserves from him. She might have wondered if he still liked her, but for all her doubts, he harbors just as many of his own. He's enjoyed joking in the past about what a catch he is, but beneath the surface, he can't help thinking she's far better off at a distance from him. If he were a better man, he thinks, he would have pushed her away where he can't hurt her again, but that's not what she wants. Amazingly enough.
When she kisses him, his thoughts quiet for a brief moment, a little pleasant buzzing in the back of his mind that isn't, for once, just a multitude of thoughts. She kisses him and anchors him here with her, to something more solid and steady and comforting. Something that — as he said — he's not keen to let go of.
With everything that's happened lately, he hasn't stopped to think much of it until now; that they haven't actually kissed one another in reality, in a plane that wasn't a projection or a dream of some sort. How different will it feel when that's not the case? ]
Me! I'll definitely be there.
[ It's a stupid joke, even for him. And there's a tenderness in the way she's kissed him, there's this remembrance of being married, and he's trying (and failing) to make this...something less awkward and more reassuring. So he takes one of her hands now, lightly cradling it between his, just to kiss her knuckles. ]
[ Julia has thoughts along the same line as him, so in that, they are very similar people. But she's willing to be selfish in this case. He's the first person since Richard that she's felt comfortable with, and she definitely didn't know when she'd feel safe kissing someone again. But she does, with him. They may have fake memories of many times together, but now that she is kissing him for real (within the Horizon), she can tell the difference between fantasy and something concrete. ]
I look forward to kissing you in real life.
[ They both have figured out that hasn't happened. It would be funny if it doesn't feel any different, but she thinks it must. When they got to dance together in Ikorr, it felt more real than curling up in his arms in the TARDIS. Dating someone cross-territory means that most of the month they can only see each other here, and she's fine with that, she doesn't want to lose out on seeing his face the other 27ish days in a month. But ... it'll be a relief. Of that she knows.
She knows he's trying to awkwardly joke and she just smiles at him reassuringly. It doesn't have to be awkward. They're in the same spot on that subject. It's weird but they're also weird people. A goddess and a Time Lord. Things are bound to be strange. ]
What I want is you. The rest can be a surprise.
[ Julia is a little excited for her first date in a very long time. She and Richard never dated, so it's been since James. ]
For the record, I'd be fine with a date that's us going on a walk, it doesn't have to be some grand dramatic gesture.
[ He's a man of dramatic gestures, she just doesn't want him feeling like he has to go big or go home to please her. ]
[ He doesn't even realize sometimes how what he says might...actually sound. He really means it in a genuine and heartfelt way. So much about Julia has steadied him, anchored him, brought hope back to him in turn. He's not the best at saying words like that, but he has such an abundance of care for her down to the core of his being, in the beat of his hearts. He tries, more than anything, to let that show through in every action he takes with her. She doesn't ever seem to think less of him as he stumbles through his words, either. ]
I can do a little better than a walk, though. A light jog, at the very least.
[ He gives her a playful wink and then leans in to kiss her forehead. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
> (action) horizon if this works okay!
[ And he isn't, at least. Where he's often running hours behind because he's a Time Lord who easily loses track of time, this is...important enough to get right. He's not involved in anything terribly pressing at the moment, he's just left Portam Hall a bit ago, and truthfully he wants very much to see Julia, as much as...seeing her in the Horizon will help. It's still not quite real, more of the same, but they're both at least themselves this time.
He's not lingering as much in what happened, at least not as it pertains to her behavior at all. He has loads of regrets about his own actions, things he'd done, times he'd gone too far and hurt people in one way or another. He also effectively abandoned Julia when she needed him most, didn't he? Those regrets have strength enough to turn this world on its axis over and over again for at least a century. When he finds her in the treehouse, she'll notice he's wearing the locket she gave him, still tucked close. ]
Julia?
no subject
Julia was in her room but she comes down when she senses him near, into the Brakebills common room that she made for the public part of the treehouse. She also wears his presents at all time, dressed in a more modern stylish way while in the Horizon. Including sensible boot heels which makes it a reasonable height difference when she crosses the room and pulls him into an immediate embrace. Her arms move around his middle to tug him close and she presses her head into the nook right under his chin.
She is feeling a whole lot of things right then. Too many things. It's so confusing. Her memories are a mess. But she knows this is what she needs right then. His arms have been a comfort in every era of them, real or fake, and she seeks the momentary solace. ]
I'm sorry I was such a bitch.
[ She knows he will argue with her and say she wasn't, blame himself, pretend anything else, but it took two to break them, and she knows she is the one who broke first. ]
no subject
Well. Is that the word we're using?
[ He mumbles softly into her hair as he presses his face close for a moment, resting one hand on the back of her head, the other around her waist. ]
What was I then? You'll have to come up with a good one, you know, equally matched, don't hold back either, I absolutely bungled it.
no subject
She was right to be afraid of herself. That's the lesson she learned, but now she knows too. She laughs into his neck. ]
Okay, fine. You were kind of a dick too.
[ There, she'll give him partial blame. They are both the type of person to blame themselves over everyone else and she does know that about him, so she's not going to try and force him to see it her way. In truth, she's just so relieved that he's holding her at all, that something didn't break between them in the process of what went on. They were in the early stages of something precious and pure and she hasn't had great lucky recently, with that sort of joyful anticipation. For it to go wrong immediately afterward, that's more her luck.
She pulls back to look at his face but still stays close, her hands on his elbows. Her eyes in the Horizon are a vivid hazel like usual, because she sees herself that way, not as the red gaze that greets her in the morning in Solvunn now. ]
Do you still like me? Because it's okay if you don't. You don't need to pretend.
no subject
Kind of — well, that's optimistic, actually, I'll take it.
[ He would easily assume full blame and he knows she understands that, but he knows it about her, too. She needed him and he wasn't there, and that won't sit very well with him at all for a long time to come. Though, it is a comfort knowing he didn't actually abandon her. Sort of. It's a possibility, one too close for comfort, and one he'll do absolutely everything to avoid. When she pulls back to look at him and that particular question lingers in the air between them, the Doctor is quick to frown in concern, and just as quick to reassure. ]
Of course I do! How could you ever, ever think otherwise? I like you, Julia, I like you very much, I have from the moment we met. [ It's such an easy question, so instinctive. There are few people he doesn't like, truth be told. That's been the theme of his long life — quickly and easily attaching to people, perhaps more than he should, but he's yet to learn better. But a few seconds pass and he clues in (miraculously) on what she's actually asking. It's not, does he like her in the way of liking so many, in the way of caring deeply for the friends he's made here and in all the worlds and years beyond this. It's — does he like her as he did when they were devoted to each other, when he was that boy for her and with her. ]
Oh, but you don't mean only like you, do you? Like you, like you, is that it?
[ His words soften and he reaches out now to cradle her cheek with his right hand, gently caressing her soft skin with his thumb. ]
If you're quite alright with it, Julia, I'd prefer not letting you go. That's how I like you. Does that answer your question?
no subject
Yes, like me, like me. It sounds so middle school when put like that.
[ She laughs though because it is true. And she's the one who worded it this way in the first place, but that is how it felt, when they were first stepping to this sort of position. Like she was a teenager with a crush again rather than a full grown woman who had been around the block. That's what it felt like to be with him, strangely young and full of hope, after so much darkness.
She relaxes when he touches her face because that is an answer in itself, and she turns her head to kiss his palm, leaning into the touch for a few seconds. It doesn't matter that she had plenty of it in that future, from him and later (embarrassingly) from others, because a lot of it was empty. Ways to feel better, ways to feel anything at all. The Doctor has always made her feel. ]
Yes. I mean, we'd only just kissed for the first time when this happened. It was all super new, and then it wasn't, and I don't know, things got so messed up. I wasn't sure if you wanted a second round of ... this.
[ She gestures at herself with the 'this.' The trouble that she brings with her, the drama. They were happy for a long time and she knows that, but she also knows part of what broke them down was the differences in them turning into things they couldn't overcome. It wasn't unreasonable to wonder if it was better not to try again. ]
We didn't even get a real first date.
no subject
Well, you don't need a play-by-play, I suppose, you were there. Very glad you were, well, not glad you were trapped there, but we were in it together, all of us, so we all know —
[ Even he is losing track of what point he was even trying to make here at all. He was trying to get to something reassuring, while fumbling it up and dragging them down the road of utter confusion. Stopping himself, the Doctor takes a breath, leaning in now to kiss her forehead softly, lingering there. ]
I don't give up on anything easily. Not people, not situations or circumstances. Certainly no one incredibly important to me. Plus, you really don't want to miss out on me planning a proper time out together, I'm quite good at it.
no subject
[ She makes a kissy face back at him. Julia can tell that he's feeling awkward and apparently has decided to make it more so, but to be fair, it's best they just rip off the band-aid and be okay with the awkwardness. If they keep dancing around each other not saying anything, it's not going to be helpful long-term. And she wants this to be long-term.
He's so expressive of a person and she's quiet in comparison, but that's what she likes about him. He has so much life and it's good to watch it still happening here. He's not all dead inside or dried up and exhausted. Losing himself to the darkness and loneliness. He has that energy back to him and Julia is so glad to see it. ]
I'm glad you're you again. I like when you're all. [ She mimics something blowing up too with a smile. ] When you're talking a mile a minute and express with your hands and you're just ... you. In the best possible way.
[ Julia isn't someone who needs to fill silence, she can be quiet for long periods of time. An extrovert at heart, but one who thinks a whole lot. She likes having people around her who are different, who fill in the chatter and make her react.
She reaches up to cup his face and pulls him down for a real kiss. Not one in a fantasy, although it's still in the Horizon, it's still not in person. She wonders what it'll be like to kiss him in person, if it will seem like a drastic difference because it's real. Julia kisses him, lingering in the softness and little butterfly in the stomach feeling it gives her, glad it's still there. She releases him since she's usually the one starting these things, but it was reassurance. ]
Sooooo are you going to tell me what to expect on our first date?
no subject
When she kisses him, his thoughts quiet for a brief moment, a little pleasant buzzing in the back of his mind that isn't, for once, just a multitude of thoughts. She kisses him and anchors him here with her, to something more solid and steady and comforting. Something that — as he said — he's not keen to let go of.
With everything that's happened lately, he hasn't stopped to think much of it until now; that they haven't actually kissed one another in reality, in a plane that wasn't a projection or a dream of some sort. How different will it feel when that's not the case? ]
Me! I'll definitely be there.
[ It's a stupid joke, even for him. And there's a tenderness in the way she's kissed him, there's this remembrance of being married, and he's trying (and failing) to make this...something less awkward and more reassuring. So he takes one of her hands now, lightly cradling it between his, just to kiss her knuckles. ]
Spoilers, Julia. Do you really want to know?
[ He's asking this genuinely now. ]
we can probably wrap on yours!
I look forward to kissing you in real life.
[ They both have figured out that hasn't happened. It would be funny if it doesn't feel any different, but she thinks it must. When they got to dance together in Ikorr, it felt more real than curling up in his arms in the TARDIS. Dating someone cross-territory means that most of the month they can only see each other here, and she's fine with that, she doesn't want to lose out on seeing his face the other 27ish days in a month. But ... it'll be a relief. Of that she knows.
She knows he's trying to awkwardly joke and she just smiles at him reassuringly. It doesn't have to be awkward. They're in the same spot on that subject. It's weird but they're also weird people. A goddess and a Time Lord. Things are bound to be strange. ]
What I want is you. The rest can be a surprise.
[ Julia is a little excited for her first date in a very long time. She and Richard never dated, so it's been since James. ]
For the record, I'd be fine with a date that's us going on a walk, it doesn't have to be some grand dramatic gesture.
[ He's a man of dramatic gestures, she just doesn't want him feeling like he has to go big or go home to please her. ]
and wrap! π
[ He doesn't even realize sometimes how what he says might...actually sound. He really means it in a genuine and heartfelt way. So much about Julia has steadied him, anchored him, brought hope back to him in turn. He's not the best at saying words like that, but he has such an abundance of care for her down to the core of his being, in the beat of his hearts. He tries, more than anything, to let that show through in every action he takes with her. She doesn't ever seem to think less of him as he stumbles through his words, either. ]
I can do a little better than a walk, though. A light jog, at the very least.
[ He gives her a playful wink and then leans in to kiss her forehead. ]
I'll see you again very soon.